WHAT MOTIVATES TRAITORS? This spring's day of 24 establishes new lows for implausibility. Dave Barry's summary of the five o'clock hour only scratches the surface.

Last week, Jack, aided by highly competent FBI agent Renee, hatched a plan to use the innocent and trusting Marika as bait to capture her evil boyfriend African Subplot Dubaku. This plan was thwarted by the FBI mole, who turned out to be -- get ready for a shock -- Sean. No, we didn't really know who Sean was, either. He's just another in a long random line of 24 moles, hired under the federal government's Hire-a-Mole program. Sean had the police apprehend Jack and Renee, which means Marika, like pretty much everybody who trusts Jack when he has a plan, is now in danger.

Meanwhile President Woman President -- under the protection of Bill, who has replaced the Secret Service, which consists almost entirely of rogue agents -- is at the hospital, where her husband, Henry, is about to undergo dangerous but necessary surgery to remove his Screen Actors Guild membership. A new subplot was introduced in the form of the first couple's estranged annoying daughter, Olivia, who was fetched, blast-from-the-past style, by Aaron, who as you may recall was last seen shacking up with former First Ladies Martha Logan.

The plot this year involves an African Big Man whose economically irrelevant, as far as I can tell, country has committed enough human rights violations to warrant more aggressive handling than Serbia. The Big Man, however, brings his praetorian guard to Washington, D.C., to storm the White House, and take Madame President hostage. Before that, he's managed to buy off substantial numbers of influential government officials (does his country really have more boodle than Illinois?) and he's conniving with some businessman who is awaiting delivery of some useful item, possibly from that otherwise economically irrelevant country.

The ability of a different crop of bad guys to so thoroughly penetrate the U.S. government in each of these episodes bothers me. It's not the extent of the corruptibility, mind you. I'd think bad guys from countries with nuclear weapons or substantial oil reserves would be able to outbid the corruptible.

The role of these shadowy rogue-ruling-class types never makes sense either. Jack Bauer's brother is part of a small body of individuals who were pulling President Logan's strings, for reasons never spelled out. The Bauer brothers' father is either part of this body or a rival to this body, also for reasons never spelled out. The African Big Man also has allies in what appears to be part of the private sector, again, for no obvious reason.

I suppose I keep watching for the character development. Renee, the tough but moralistic FBI agent, has developed a better understanding of what's necessary in the last two hours.