FALSE POSITIVES. Why I insist that policy makers spell out their loss function.

Told to express emotion for a creative-writing class, high school senior Allen Lee penned an essay so disturbing to his teacher, school administrators and police that he was charged with disorderly conduct, officials said Wednesday.

Lee, 18, a straight-A student at Cary-Grove High School, was arrested Tuesday near his home and charged with the misdemeanor for an essay police described as violently disturbing but not directed toward any specific person or location.

Any per se rule has an element of arbitrariness. Sometimes an essay can be indicative of deep-seated grievances. "Sometimes" is not the same thing as "always."

Simmie Baer, an attorney with the Children and Family Justice Center at Northwestern University School of Law, said the school's action was an example of zero-tolerance policies gone awry.

The student's father is keeping his perspective.

During a short interview at his family's two-story home in a Cary subdivision near the high school, [Albert]Lee said he felt administrators did the right thing.

He added, however, that he does not think his son is a threat to anyone.

"I definitely think that there is some misunderstanding," he said. "That's my only interpretation of this."

Lee said he was confident his son will graduate as scheduled this year with his class."With Virginia Tech, everyone is more sensitive to these kinds of issues," Lee said. "I'm sure if he wrote something last year, nothing would alarm anybody. It's just the timing."

IF YOU'RE GOING TO BELIEVE, BELIEVE. Rev. Christopher Johnson has sharp words for those who would make the Creation and the Resurrection more inclusive.

Leaving aside the staggeringly arrogant conceit that someone named Susan Anderson-Smith knows "who Jesus understood himself to be," I've got two problems with this idea. One is that, well, God kind of, well, you know, does have a "hierarchical power over things." If You're a being that can create entire universes, I've got no problem at all with calling You "Lord." I don't know about you but I certainly can't create entire universes.

Same thing with Jesus. If You die an agonizing death on the Cross to keep me out of hell, then when I see You, "Lord" is going to be the first word out of my mouth. But if Jesus was just a great teacher and God little more than a divine district manager you play golf with sometimes, I can see where the word might grate on your ears.

Rev. Johnson often refers to the "National Council of Churches Nobody Goes To Anymore." There's logic to his criticism: what's the point of having a separate organization that acknowledges only that the congregants are flukes of the universe? One can wrestle with that conclusion alone, or perhaps with others at a saloon or a coffeehouse, with little use for sermons or liturgical dances.

UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE DAY. Don't we know it?

But in terms of the time we devote to day-to-day e-mail expertise -- crafting it, managing it, we might as well be communicating in Old West Norse.

The article refers readers to some advice.

Although it has a June publication date, you can get [Bit Literacy] through Amazon now or read the first chapter free at the "Bit Literacy" site (bitliteracy.com), where you can also find the glowing blurbs he's collected from the likes of Craig Newmark (craigslist.org) and info-age author Douglas Rushkoff. And his article on "Managing Incoming E-mail," a group of bits that coalesce as a .pdf file and the basis for the e-mail chapter, is available at [Bit Literacy author Mark] Hurst's Good Experience site (goodexperience.com).

"'Bit Literacy' says bits are heavy, actually, and an infinite number of them has infinite weight, and it crushes people, their productivity, their morale," Hurst says.

I'm partial to not checking e-mail in the morning, in fact I'm partial to the general principle of never scheduling meetings in the morning, period.

QUOTE OF THE DAY. Photon Courier.

A significant segment of American academia has put itself in a state which is truly beyond parody.

Read and understand.

ONE CAN LOCK DOWN A HIGH SCHOOL. Apparently, it's not even newsworthy. What depresses, however, is the reason for the lockdown.

Hamilton High School in Milwaukee was placed on lockdown Wednesday afternoon following a series of fights involving students and adults.

No one was injured in the disturbances, which began around 1 p.m. when an irate parent showed up at the school demanding to see a specific student to "settle the score," said Roseann St. Aubin, Milwaukee Public Schools' spokeswoman.

Parental meddling in school affairs is nothing new. At one time, however, it was limited to keeping a good face on things at Hamilton High. "Our kids selling narcotics? Isn't happening. Not-so-secret keg parties deep in the Root River Parkway? Must be those spoiled rich kids from Greendale."

HOW OTHERS SEE US. Anthony Paletta at Phi Beta Cons suggests the quest for hidden meanings can go too far.

The influence of Postmodern studies is often to be rued, but it seems a very intemperate swipe to associate [the Virginia Tech shooter’s] actions with academic currents to which there is no real evidence he had any connection. If we’re going to opine from glances at the Virgina Tech catalog we might just as well assert that Titus Andronicus tipped [him] over the edge. Or Verloc, or… the Grand Inquisitor? This could be endless.

Indeed so.

NOTHING SECRET ABOUT PROBATION. The Northern Star characterizes some proper disciplinary measures as a "lockdown."

Larry Bolles, director of NIU's Judicial Office, said if the downward trend continues, a campus without Greek organizations could be a realistic future. Bolles did say, however, that he has seen vast improvements this semester.

"Everybody did what they wanted to do," Bolles said of years past. "People don't change easy. It's like trying to change a culture, and that's what you have on Greek Row - drinking, partying; they're doing what Greeks do. It's like a battleship: Battleships don't turn like a little boat. A battleship is a big thing that turns slow."

Eight fraternities were placed on suspension last fall for violations of NIU policy ranging from physical and sexual assault to more minor alcohol-related offenses.

Bolles described many fraternities as "train wrecks" that could have ended in derailed chapters, but the university began implementing rigorous policies and judicial action in attempts to prevent it from happening.

It's called putting the adults back in charge.

Since Bolles took over [from University Programming and Activities]last spring, nine Greek-letter organizations have had sanctions placed against them.

"They felt like they were being bombarded, and they went everywhere complaining to everyone about what was happening," Bolles said of the Greek organizations under judicial sanctions. "Finally, somebody came to me and said, 'Dr. Bolles, why are you doing this?'"

"I said, 'I'm treating you like everyone else. For the first time in your life, you all are starting to feel like the average student feels on this campus: You smoke dope, you fight, you beat up somebody, you sexually assault somebody - you're starting to feel exactly what [any other offender] felt.' They assume that their chapter is here for life just because they have a house and they pay rent."

It's also called maintaining standards.

National organizations worried about the future of their NIU chapters petitioned Bolles to find what they could do to turn things around. Bolles said he wanted to have alumni members in their 50s and 60s serve as in-house advisers.

Bolles chose the age range because, in the past, national organizations sent advisers who had graduated five to 10 years ago that still had a degree of camaraderie with fraternity members. What Bolles wanted were successful individuals who could instill discipline.

"I said, 'I want your time,'" Bolles said. "'You're a member of this chapter, and you were made in DeKalb. What I want you to do - I'm going to show you all the dirt - I want you to go there, and within the next 90 days, I want you to show me some significant differences in that chapter, because if you can't make a difference - I tried, it hasn't worked.'"

With their NIU chapters in jeopardy of Bolles "putting a lock on the door," all 11 organizations with deferred suspensions sent individuals to frequently keep tabs on their fraternities.

These individuals, who ranged from lawyers to successful businessmen, pushed their fraternities to do more community service than was required. However, in filtering out so-called "troublemakers" from the fraternities, the advisers often slashed fraternity enrollments by more than half, Bolles said.

"They walked people out of the houses and met with people and said, 'That's not what we want,'" Bolles said. "If they didn't change, they were out."

Mr Bolles reports progress, but he's had a busy time. (Keep following the links to find out how busy.)

LiNaSiB₃O₇(OH). Renaming Jadar as Krypton, alas, appears not to be an option. The noble gas Krypton predates the comic book planet Krypton. (Not the last time popular art imitated life: anybody else remember Prince Amex of Nasdaq?)

GET UP, GET UP, GET OUTTA HERE. We're pleased to report that Chicago Cub second baseman and radio analyst Ron Santo has been released from hospital. Mr Santo plans to return to the press box on May 4. That rates a Sprecher.

A NECESSARY CONDITION FOR THE FEDERATION. Have astronomers located a Class M planet?

Until now, all 220 planets astronomers have found outside our solar system have had the "Goldilocks problem." They've been too hot, too cold or just plain too big and gaseous, like uninhabitable Jupiter.

The new planet seems just right - or at least that's what scientists think.

"This could be very important," said NASA astrobiology expert Chris McKay, who was not part of the discovery team. "It doesn't mean there is life, but it means it's an Earth-like planet in terms of potential habitability."

Eventually astronomers will rack up discoveries of dozens, maybe even hundreds of planets considered habitable, the astronomers said. But this one - simply called "c" by its discoverers when they talk among themselves - will go down in cosmic history as No. 1.

This one isn't hot enough to be Vulcan.

POSITIVE NONPECUNIARY EXTERNALITIES. Economics suggests prudes should want to have fun.

The "More Sex" thesis: If prudes occasionally slept with strangers, it would slow the spread of STDs.

Here's how it works. One such prude walks into a bar, and he's uninfected. If he takes home an uninfected woman, great -- he distracted her from a potential disease carrier. If he gets herpes, that's also great, because he's sexually conservative and won't pass the infection along very often. Better him than someone with less self control.

Either way, society benefits when the chaste open up slightly. "Slightly" is key, because too much "openness" spreads more disease than it diverts. After studying AIDS in England, Harvard's Michael Kremer put the cutoff at 2.25 partners per year.

From here Mr. Landsburg introduces the concept that ties virtually all these essays together -- people should feel their actions' effects. A sexual conservative considers the harm to himself, but not the benefits to others, of catching a disease. One could call it a behavior-consequence gap.

The illustration, (via Andrew Sullivan) from Steven Landsburg's new More Sex is Safer Sex: The Unconventional Wisdom of Economics, doesn't really come as a surprise. There's a paper, I believe it's Buchanan and Stubblebine's "Externality," that illustrates the optimality of some people not receiving immunization shots, from which the basic argument follows. Another observation has the possibility for greater controversy.

[Professor Landsburg] also discusses the jury system at length. He's right that juries should hear all the available evidence, including past convictions: The government already trusts juries to sort out pertinent from irrelevant facts, so more information can't hurt. If juries can't put a defendant's (or even accuser's) history in perspective, we shouldn't have juries.

The problem, dear reader, as mathematician John Allen Paulos has argued, is that juries have difficulty with conditional statements. (Test yourself: which of the two following statements is more likely to be true? (A) Judy is a bank teller. (B) Judy is a bank teller and a feminist.) In trials, the mishandling of conditional statements matter. Consider (A) The defendant battered his wife. (B) Most spouse batterers do not murder their wives. Will the jury be more likely to come to the correct conclusion if they are also told (C) Most murdered wives have been battered?

I will read the book sometime in the future and have a review ready.

GENERATION PORTER. That's a special 20th anniversary Sprecher product. The program notes (for the beer) suggest my bottle came from the early batch. It has a bold fruity taste and a beery aroma and it's just the thing for Tuesday's Sprecher on Tuesday. The Crew came within one out of eighteen consecutive shutout innings pitched.

OVER? I must take issue with my friendly connection Milton Rosenberg.

Almost...says Norman Lebrecht, who mourns the passing of the record store and the rapid decline in serious recording companies. If you need an extra goad toward despair this may be just the thing!

Perhaps the end of the classical record store in favor of the CD department at Borders is reason to be troubled.

On the deadliest of nights, I'd persuade the guy behind the counter at wood-paneled Rizzoli to switch the mid-romantic mush on the store speakers for early-instrument asperities. Rarely did I leave without a chat. A record store was where you went to get enlivened, inspired and painlessly lightened of a few bucks.

If you got really lucky, you'd wind up in a bar with strangers arguing Klemperer versus Furtwaengler in Haydn's 88th. Buffs and saddos? Maybe, but record mavens cared about music.

Many people I met in record stores never set foot in Carnegie Hall or the Met. Their cultural life was lived out on disc. Few went on, like me, to make a living out of criticism. For most, the bonus of living in a city was that it admitted them to a cultural community that congregated in record stores.

On the other hand, the creation of new symphonies that might, some day, find themselves converted into parcels for downloading, goes on. Composer Kevin Puts paid Northern Illinois a visit that featured the Illinois premiere of his Symphony No. 2, "Island of Innocence." The concert, which was current director Brett Mitchell's final appearance with the Philharmonic, also included Brahms's Symphony No. 2, certainly the kind of work to argue the merits of various recordings, perhaps over a Sprecher. There will be more works by Mr Puts this Wednesday. If time permits, I may attend and file a report. If not, despair not. Symphonic music isn't over simply because a few pundits suggest it's over.

SPONTANEOUS KINDNESS. Huskies stand with Hokies.

Northern Star photo by Ben Woloszyn.

MONDAY'S SPRECHER ON TUESDAY. Last night ran a bit long with work, but there's quiet time tonight, and an extra-innings win in the Hiawatha Series to savor.

The Brewers overcame a 4-0 deficit, an injury to a key player and a bullpen running out of pitchers, yet prevailed.

THE GOOD IS OFT' INTERRED WITH THEIR BONES.

Associated Press photo courtesy Chicago Tribune.

REALITY CHECKS. Why I Turned Right, the subject of Book Review No. 8, is a collection of autobiographical musings by a variety of public intellectuals, some of whom were default secular-progressives and some of whome dabbled with more esoteric politics, who have more recently identified themselves as "conservative," broadly construed. For the most part, these are individuals better known as writers for opinion magazines rather than as government officials or as academicians. That said, it might behoove curious individuals within government and the academy to read the book, if for no other reason than to discover some of the tics, biases, and institutionalized smugness that recurs as explanation of selecting the starboard tack in several of the sketches.

CLOSE THE SEWER. A Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel article notes the growing popularity of ending one of the Eisenhower Administration's more foolish boondoggles.

[Conservationists in Great Lakes United argue] that the idea of slamming shut the Seaway to oceangoing "salties" has become an environmental and economic no-brainer, like padlocking a struggling little factory that is ruining life for everyone in town because it won't fix its oversize smokestack.

There's cost-benefit analysis involved.

Evidence suggests that the costs of the biological pollution gushing from the [transatlantic]ship-steadying ballast tanks far outweigh the benefits of maintaining the world's largest freshwater system as a nautical highway for saltwater traffic.

A draft study from the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, meanwhile, indicates that recreational boats dwarf overseas freighters in terms of economic importance to the region, yet the recreation industry is entirely dependent on the very waters the salties continue to irreversibly pollute.

The infrastructure, which opened to great fanfare half a century ago, is due for renewal or retirement.

The original system of locks and channels, which are crumbling in places, cost $3 billion in today's dollars. Then there are the costs of dredging and maintaining channels and harbors in ports across the Great Lakes.

All to move a volume of export traffic in bulk cargoes such as grain or scrap metal that the railroads could easily transport to the existing saltwater ports. Let me refresh readers' memories: most of the traffic handled in the Great Lakes - St. Lawrence Seaway system is intra-Lake traffic for which ballast pumping simply transports marine life already in the Lakes to someplace else in the same Lakes.

The commercial fishery is at risk.

Nobody is precisely sure why so many fish have disappeared so quickly, but likely factors are high numbers of the planted predatory salmon, along with spiraling numbers of invasive species.

Invasive round gobies, a bug-eyed, prehistoric-looking fish known for gobbling eggs of native lake species, have been ballooning in number since they were discovered in the lake in 1993. But the pace of their expansion appears to be accelerating - the number of fish found in the survey jumped 16-fold from 2005 to 2006.

On balance, the gainers (sport fishermen, commercial fishermen, operators of waterworks, and railroads) appear to be well able to compensate a few overseas shippers for losses they might incur by closing the St. Lawrence Seaway.

TURF 'EM OUT. A Margaret Soltan dissection of special pleading by friends of Texas Southern University provides indirect support for my contention that there is excess capacity in academic bottom-feeding.

The effect is obvious. The Barbaras and Mickeys and Harolds would simply go to another university. But for the Cliffords, the Thomases and the Bettys, their opportunities for a college education may be irretrievably lost. [As it stands, Clifford, Thomas, and Betty are likely to get at TSU a simulacral education. It will end up costing them and other Americans a good deal of money.]

Put another way, Clifford, Thomas, and Betty ought learn how to ask "Want fries with that" in Chinese?

Texas Southern continues its proud tradition of welcoming students the Texas public schools have failed. And while these nontraditional students tend not to graduate within the traditional four or even six years, there is a strong indication they eventually do graduate, have increased earning capacity and contribute largely to the Texas economy. [Tend... strong indication... Here the writers must weasel their way around the profound fact of wretched graduation rates at TSU.] ...

And that the failure, dear readers, rests with the common schools. Why not allow Texas Southern to bill the common schools for all the remediation that must be inherent in the university's retention efforts, futile though they turn out to be?

DID WE DEMORALIZE HER? Long-time Illinois women's basketball coach Theresa Grentz, last featured here, has taken her pension. Fox Valley Daily Herald columnist Patricia Babcock McGraw is not displeased.

My first thought when I heard the news?

Check that. My first printable thought?

“Free at last. Free at last. Thank God, almighty, free at last.”

Finally, this program is free from Grentz’s tyrannical reign of bullying and bull-you-know-what.

This is a woman who, from my observations, systematically sucked the life out of not only the program, but its players.

Read on. I was under the impression that college sports was supposed to be for the play value, or perhaps for Title IX compliance, not about the money.

(Via Kathy at Women's Hoops, who also comes up with a column that says more than the author intends about the Faustian bargain that success at the highest level sometimes entails, leaving aside the complications of identity politics in a game that I follow for the play value. OK, a few bottles of Beck's Dark and the odd sweatshirt can buy a lot of loyalty.)

[Mary Jo] Kane, the sports sociologist at Minnesota, said she once heard a female coach say that the best coaching qualifications for a woman are to be divorced with no children. This ostensibly establishes her heterosexuality while leaving her free to hit the road on recruiting trips.

Thus the flip side of a competition in which the greatest rewards, whether as wins or as publications or as traffic generated, can be purchased by the performer's willingness to sacrifice other dimensions of her or his life.