MATT EBERFLUS IS FIT AS A FIDDLE.

Remember when Dementia Joe face-planted in a presidential debate?

It's not that we weren't warned, as Pajamas Media's Stephen Kruiser noted.  "As recently as last Wednesday, anyone who pointed out that he's a train wreck was accused of making it up."  An editorial comment from Pravda-on-the-Hudson caught by Heather MacDonald also didn't age well.  "People are going to see actual footage [during the debate] that contradicts that [cognitive decline narrative]."  Oops, indeed.

Shortly after that performance, a number of Democrat governors met with the doddering ficus and emerged, with Minnesota's Tim "Knucklehead" Walz proclaiming ad urbi et orbi that Comrade Konstantin Ustinovich, er, Dementia Joe, was fit as a fiddle.

A few weeks later, the party rewarded the knucklehead for never thinking a figgy of himself at all by anointing him the successor to the ditzy valley girl, should she have secured the presidency after Dementia Joe renounced a nomination that was his.

Our President's recent decision not to seek a second term, followed by a lid lasting a day, and into that information vacuum came the tinfoil hat brigade.  "Into the void left by the amazing disappearing president appeared all manner of theories about what is going on. Some wilder than others. Was the president faking his Covid? Did Biden even sign his own announcement? Is he much sicker than his aides and doctors are letting on? Is he even. . . alive?"

Look, I'm prepared to credit that abdication to an undisclosed medical event in Las Vegas that got the party poobahs worried about the actuarial tables and no longer willing to roll the dice on a second term.

That noted, the way in which the party eased a sitting president into retirement was crude and nasty.  And not the crudest and nastiest exit arranged by senior management this year.  That honor, dear reader, goes to the Chicago Bears.  "Matt Eberflus gets fired in the most Bear way ever."  Not because the Bears ever excused a coach before season's end.  I lose track of how many we have documented on the day after season's end since Cold Spring Shops opened.  Rather, because the organization sent him out for the day-after call-in with the journos and then told him his services were no longer required.  "The team lets the coach do a press conference, then cans him hours later."

It's not that, in the same way we knew long ago that the sobriquet "Dementia Joe" had some meaning, we long ago saw the suckitude of the Bears.  "After this weekend, it is 'Bears fans believe Matt Eberflus finally coached his way out of a job.'  This is Alyssa Barbieri with Bears Wire writing, not some wishful thinking from the cheery side of the Cheddar Curtain."

Chicago Sun-Times columnist Rick Morrissey takes stock.

A legitimate pro football team doesn’t allow its sad-sack head coach to do a press conference the morning after an appalling loss and then fire him hours later. That’s what the Bears did to Matt Eberflus on Friday. But don’t mistake ineptitude for coldness. This wasn’t cruelty. This was typical Halas Hall denseness.

A legitimate pro football team doesn’t bring back the likes of Eberflus for one more season after he’s compiled a two-year record of 10-24. That’s what the Bears did after last season, and the original sin of Eberflus’ retention led to all the spectacular sins of this season. It led to the biggest sin of all, Eberflus’ decision not to call a timeout Thursday as the clock ticked torturously down with the Bears needing one decent completion to have a chance to tie the game against the mighty Lions.

In the same way, though, that swapping out the top of the ticket did the Democrats little good, swapping out the head coach is likely to do the Bears little good.

It’s just breathtaking, this incompetence. You don’t think it can get any worse, and then you stop yourself: Not only can it get worse, it most likely will. These are the Bears.

Admittedly, going further downhill will be a tall task. The current six-game losing streak includes Bears defensive back Tyrique Stevenson sinking his team by taunting Washington fans while Jayden Daniels’ game-winning Hail Mary pass was in the air. It includes back-to-back weeks of blocked field-goal attempts, the first after Eberflus opted for a 46-yard boot rather than an extra play to make things easier for kicker Cairo Santos. It includes Eberflus’ failure to call a timeout Thursday, an assault on football sensibilities everywhere. Even the cloying Jim Nantz, whose sweat glands excrete syrup, referred to the last play as “completely botched’’ on the CBS broadcast.

There’s nothing in the history of McCaskey ownership that points to good things ahead. Well, sure, the very act of getting rid of Eberflus would seem to be a positive. The Bears are 4-8 and would be much better than that if not for the coach’s poor decisions. Good riddance, right? But the team’s record of bad head coaching hires under the McCaskeys makes it more than likely another bad one is on the way. The Bears named offensive coordinator Thomas Brown the interim coach.

Please don’t tell me that president Kevin Warren and general manager Ryan Poles will find the right man. The McCaskeys hired Warren and Poles. Please don’t tell me that the Bears will look for outside consultants to help with the coaching search. The McCaskeys will hire those consultants.

Yes, and in much the same way that the Democrats will stay their course. That's material for a future rant.  Chicago Tribune columnist Paul Sullivan makes an observation that in other circumstances would qualify as a Friday short take.  "Leave it to the Chicago Bears to botch a coach firing even your Aunt Martha could see coming."

Eberflus’ days had been numbered since the Hail Mary loss to the Washington Commanders. The 19-3 loss to the lowly New England Patriots on Nov. 10, in which he and his team were booed off the field, would’ve been a perfect time to say sayonara. The Bears had eight games remaining to try to salvage the season, and at 4-5 there was still some hope it could be done.

But, no, the McCaskeys don’t fire head coaches in season, we’ve been told a thousand times. Instead they got rid of the sacrificial goat, offensive coordinator Shane Waldron, who was replaced by Thomas Brown. Fans would have to suffer through three more brutal endings before George McCaskey finally got it into his head that this marriage was not going to work.

The Thanksgiving Day clock blunder will be remembered as the fatal blow, of course, because we all watched in a collective stupor as the clock ticked down and Caleb Williams kept barking out signals, seemingly oblivious to the fact the game was about to end. Even your Aunt Martha, who doesn’t know a football from a drumstick, was yelling: “What is he doing, for crying out loud?”

It made for an unforgettable Thanksgiving, with everyone in the living room calling for Eberflus’ head. Then came the “everything is fine” news conference Friday morning that made it appear as though the Bears were actually trying to gaslight their fans.

I’m not sure what made McCaskey agree to change the long-standing policy — whether it was Jimmy Johnson’s rant or a tweet by The Wieners Circle — but whoever it was should get a medal of valor for saving the city from a mass mental breakdown.

The two games after the Bears swapped out offensive coordinators didn't help.  First the Packers blocked a field goal attempt as time expired, and afterwards, Packer special teams coaches allowed that their scouting had turned up weaknesses in Bear kick protection.  The following week, the Vikings, you guessed it, blocked a field goal and hung on to win in overtime.

Another Tribune sportswriter, Brad Biggs, offered "10 thoughts on the Week 13 loss on Thanksgiving."  He wrote it before the Friday firing follies.  A Detroit fan already got the memo.

John J. Kim photograph retrieved from Chicago Tribune.

We dedicate the following Happy Schnapps Combo song to all those frustrated Bear fans.

The Bears will play at San Francisco and conclude their season in Green Bay.