A DISSENTING VIEW ON ASSORTATIVE MATING.

There's more fretting about the difficulties high-achieving women allegedly have in dating and mating, and more reality checks posted at 11-D.

Based on an unscientific review of my friends and family, it seems that in the marriages that work, the couple has to have something in common. It might be education, or maybe it's a similar culture or values. I guess there are guys who are intimidated by a spouse with higher income, but in those few cases, income-envy is part of a larger problem of general assholicness.

There are people who are intimidated by high status professions or prestigious degrees. And there are people are people who look down on lower status professions and the lack of prestigious degrees. These prejudices not only affect dating prospects, but also friendships. To avoid these uncomfortable situations, we sort ourselves out into separate circles, which is a bad, bad thing. Or we end up "playing dumb" to avoid seeming snobby -- also a bad, bad thing.

The issues of "marrying down" or "marrying up" is really part of a bigger problem. We're not "friending down" or "friending up" either. I wish we could get past this whole thing.

Alas, as long as high achievers seek the company of other high achievers, and self-segregate (something that operators of prestige universities and developers of mass-produced upscale housing alike encourage) on that basis, "getting past" isn't going to be easy.