WE WANT A PITCHER, NOT A BELLY-ITCHER. You just got a time out.

In their ongoing war on “fun,” the nannies who run Little League in Cincinnati have decided to ban chatter on the diamond.

Hmm, maybe that explains the Reds' troubles.

It gets better.

Childhood – or at least the fun part – is falling victim to a potent stew of psychobabble, litigation and over-wrought over protectiveness.

In North Carolina (and I’m not making this up), principals in at least eight schools worried about how schoolchildren will cope with scorching summer heat, want to raise thousands of dollars to erect large canopies and shelters over playgrounds.”

Obviously, we can’t allow kids to actually play outside in the sun, because that would be too much like what we’ve been doing for several thousand years now. And hasn’t anybody there ever heard of trees?

Or perhaps starting the school year after Labor Day?