16.4.24

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES.

America's unofficial Newspaper of Record never lacks for material.  "Biden Furious To Be Called Home From Beach Just Because World War 3 Starting."
"You interrupted my beach nap...for this?" screamed Biden as he looked at images of Iranian military strikes. "Ugh, what do my generals even do? This is ridiculous."

According to Pentagon sources, with American jets on ready near Israel and ships prepared to help shoot down Iranian missiles, they unfortunately had no choice but to bother President Biden. "We know he really hates when we call him during his beach trips, but sadly a massive war may be starting and he's technically supposed to be here," explained Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin. "Obviously, we would all prefer to let him enjoy his vacation, but unfortunately World Wars do require the President to sign a few things."
The Babylon Bee credits Dementia Joe with more lucidity than his handlers allow him.  He was able to get out a "Don't!" or two over the weekend, and maybe take a call with the Israeli government.  Then he went to Scranton for a campaign event today and even the best triple espresso couldn't help him.
There weren't many party faithful to view the sad spectacle. "Photos of Biden's event appeared to show just a few dozen people in attendance for a campaign speech in which he unveiled plans to increase taxes on the super-rich."  It's the same sad ranting about productive people not paying their "fair share," which, dear reader, is never enough.  Here he goes again, demonstrating his ignorance of tax incidence.
Meanwhile, his opponent is doing everything HE can to make Dementia Joe look good.  Still six months of this nonsense to run.
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