MORE LIKE A COACHING SQUARE DANCE THAN A COACHING CARROUSSEL.

Thus did a Milwaukee news analyst describe the annual ritual of unsuccessful head coaches cleaning out one office only to fill another.  The Babylon Bee is not wrong in its satire.  "Losing Football Team Excitedly Introduces New Coach Just Fired From Other Losing Football Team"  The stock photo accompanying the article is of Mike McCarthy, who went from winning a Super Bowl with America's Team to coaching a Dallas Cowboys team that was excused, a couple of years ago, from the playoffs, by America's Team.  Subsequently, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones asked Mr McCarthy to clean out his desk.  But his name might still be on this off-season's dance card.

A losing football team excitedly announced today it had hired a new head coach, who was just fired from a different losing football team.

Though the team's previous coach was also hired from yet another losing team, the general manager felt confident the new loser coach would stop the losing.

"This will change everything," announced general manager John Ryans. "With seven wins and twenty-nine losses over the past three years, our new coach knows what it takes to win. He also knows what it takes to not win. He's got that knowledge, and bringing that knowledge is huge. With our group of players who generally lose, plus a new coach who's been losing, we've never been in a better position to not lose."

According to league sources, all of the losing football teams are once again participating in the annual mandatory coach swap. "This time will be different, I know it," said local fan Marcus Denison. "He really was the best coach available, because the coaches that win didn't get fired. He may be a loser, but he's lost in very different ways than our old coach. I think it's going to be a great fit."

At publishing time, one unlucky coach was left at the end of the annual coach swap, thus becoming the head coach of the Cleveland Browns.

It's a ritual common in organized sports.  How many baseball teams did Dave Bristol or Leo Durocher or Gene Mauch or Harry Walker manage in their careers?  Sparky Anderson, who had two very good runs with the Reds and Tigers cracked wise about enjoying a sort of tenure.  And Ned Yost couldn't secure the main prize in Milwaukee but subsequently did so with Kansas City.

The current iteration of the Cleveland Browns?  Promising young talent with a headquarters that keeps meddling and firing coaches, to find itself perpetually rebuilding and installing new systems.  The coach recently fired, Kevin Stefanski, has already signed with the Atlanta Falcons, a team that came in third-best in the round of leaster we call the south division of the National Conference.  The former Cleveland Browns, now playing as the Baltimore Ravens because the Baltimore Colts took everything including the horseshoe logo and the Johnny Unitas high-top shoes to Indianapolis with them, fired long-term coach John Harbaugh after a place kick went wide to end their season, and the New York Giants, who might be a Huff and a Tittle away from relevance in a division that includes the Cowboys, promptly hired Mr Harbaugh.  There remain seven head coach positions open, including Pittsburgh, where longtime coach Mike Tomlin resigned after a first round playoff loss, and Buffalo, where Sean McDermott was fired after a second round playoff loss.  "He didn't finish the job. In a results business, McDermott was incredibly successful, winning 10 or more games in seven straight seasons, the longest active streak in the NFL. The Bills are one of six teams in the Super Bowl era to have a streak that long."  His division includes the Patriots, Jets, and Dolphins (another geographic oddity) where those teams are inconsistently good, and the Dolphins are currently looking for a new partner to swing.

Might those coaching searches take longer because civil rights has gone from a righteous cause to an exercise in box-ticking?

The current version of the [Rooney] rule, adopted in 2021, requires every NFL team to interview “at least two external minority candidates in person for open head coach and GM positions and at least two external minority candidates — in person or virtual — for a coordinator job. Additionally, at least one minority and/or female candidate must be interviewed for senior level positions (e.g., club president and senior executives).”

In 2022, the league expanded the rule to include women “as a part of the minority candidate definition and also include the QB coach position.”

What this means to all nine teams searching for head coaches right now is that each must interview at least “two external minority candidates.” This is under the auspices of the league’s Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) Committee.

In Pittsburgh, that could get interesting.

Pittsburghers will accept nothing less than a coach who represents a solid chance at winning a Super Bowl, as early as next season.

Art Rooney has some things to consider. Is his father’s “Rooney Rule” legacy something that he must carry forward to the point where he must hire a minority candidate? Or will he use color-blind criteria that place the potential to win early above all else?

There’s a lot of pressure on him on this, because you have to know he’d love to find a coach that checks all the boxes, including winning. But this year’s competition for the most competitive head coach candidates could make Rooney and the Steelers the odd team out.

This is no small thing. Go into any bar of Steeler fans right now and just say the words, “Rooney Rule,” and you’re likely to be treated to a beer-fueled, 30-minute speech on why you can’t hire a head coach according to a DEI criteria and reasonably expect to win a Super Bowl. Many of these same fans will also say that overall, the Mike Tomlin era was good for the team. The point is that no true Steeler fan is going to balk at the idea of a minority head coach, but he has to be a winner. Because that’s all they care about.

Good times.  There are any number of "external minority candidates" holding coordinator or position coach portfolios, and promotion opportunities seem plentiful this season.

One team that will not enter the head coaching dance party this year is Green Bay's Packers.  Yes, there was speculation that the Browns could trade for current coach Matt LaFleur.  There is sentiment in Packer Nation (recall that the standard is five titles in six attempts in eight season) for moving on.  "Packers’ playoff meltdown against Bears should be the end of Matt LaFleur in Green Bay."  Five playoff exits in six seasons might not be good enough for some in Packer Nation.  But as Clutch Points correspondent Ben Strauss notes, "Moving on from LaFleur would not be a trivial decision for the Packers."  Packer management, notably the intriguingly named new president, Ed Policy, have chosen not to move on.  We will take stock of that decision in a future post.