25.10.10

SHOW US YOUR YOBBISHNESS. The Rate Your Students crowd have moved house to College Misery, where the anonymous whinges continue. Every so often, however, something useful emerges, such as this meditation on the prole cap.

As we all know, straight to the front is how to wear a ******* ball cap. It’s sober, serious, respectable (maybe even indoors) and classic. It shields your eyes and face from the sun. It has a purpose and an historical precedent. Anything other than this, and you are on my **** list, which is written in nearly indelible ink:

Slightly to the side is irreverent and irritating.

90-degrees crooked deserves a HUGE smack, and basically tells the world that you’re a half-witted jerkoff.

100% backwards calls for banishment to a brutal penal colony where you--the utter *******--will serve a life sentence of hard labor and daily torture. It not only looks stupid and abjectly *********, but doesn’t even allow you to burn rubber in your 1980’s Mustang without having to lean forward in your seat.

Add to this some apical tilt of the cap as it lists to port or starboard, almost falling off of the wearer's head, and you've got a recipe for a thoroughly infuriating absurdity that is better off ceremoniously burned on the campus quad than worn on a human head.

Then there’s the brim itself. It used to be normally curved. Then it became extremely curved in the 90’s. Now it’s ******* FLAT, leaving the wearer looking even more stupid than ever. Leave on a couple of those round, silver stickers and you’ve got a recipe for a Grade A ********* who should probably just be expelled on sight. Maybe they use the flat brim as a shelf for their energy drinks.

Over the top, crabby, mean-spirited, quite possibly elitist and classist, anonymous, and yet oddly refreshing.

2 comments:

Jim Hu said...

The brim is also used as a place to put notes for exams.

Stephen Karlson said...

A colleague told the story of a cluster of cheaters who put the most able test-taker at the front of the room and then took their signals from the way he turned his prole cap.