THE TEDIOUS CONSERVATIVES. Thus does Garrison Keillor characterize his kind of Democrat in Homegrown Democrat, which, given the election returns, makes an apt Book Review No. 38. In some ways, Mr Keillor sounds like the libertarian critics of the just-ousted Republican Congress.

There are reality-based Republicans whom I would trust completely, but those aren't the ones riding high in Washington. They are a party that is all about perception, the Christian party that conceals enormous malice, led by brilliant bandits who are dividing and conquering. They rushed a law through Congress to keep a brain-dead woman alive in Florida and created a circus around her comatose body and then, when polls showed the winds against them, quietly folded their tents and crept away.

The bridge to nowhere also merits mention.

Much of the book expands on commonplaces that might be the Habits of Highly Effective People. Don't take all the cookies, even though nobody is looking. You are not so different from other people so don't give yourself airs. Wait your turn. Keep your voice down. Do your part. Don't jerk people around just because you can. Everybody else is just as cold as you so don't complain about it. Make Something of Yourself. Don't be a Noise with Legs. Sometimes, however, Mr Keillor comes off as more interested in making a facile point than in being logical. Thus, drunken college kids at bar time become President Bush's fault, but a few pages later those colleges become the Democrats' think tanks. The advantage of living in (Democratic) St. Paul is that social services are so good that the ambulance will be at your place in not exceeding four minutes; in the (Republican gated community) suburbs, the ambulance is privatized and may or may not turn up, but one of Mr Keillor's good friends dies, perhaps because an ambulance was 40 minutes in coming, in (Democratic) New York City.

The book might be useful in shoring up the belief systems of people already inclined to agree with Mr Keillor, but the examples are likely to resonate with a population few in number and high in median age. Rural electrification. Common schools. Hubert Humphrey. That Mr Keillor is able to find things to mock about Democratic presidents Lyndon Johnson, Jimmy Carter, and Bill Clinton suggests that there is more wrong in the United States than a few Elmer Gantry types holding Republican Party cards.

So what's his case for the Democrats? 1. Civil Rights. (There is still room for a reasoned discussion of whether the power of the state should be enjoined from doing anything to forbid free association, or if it should be employed more aggressively to compel association. See Identity Politics.) 2. Ponytails. (A tribute to Title IX, particularly in sports. Not an unmixed blessing.) 3. Clean Air. (Refers to smoking bans, not steel firms. See point 1 on freedom of association.) 4. Geezerhood. (Social Security and Medicare good. Can you say "contingent liability?") 5. Pregnant Teens. (Might some of the Habits of Highly Effective People contribute to reducing the frequency, and thus the necessary evil of abortion?) 6. Oddballs. (Mr Keillor concedes, not strictly a Democratic idea, but institutionalizing people does not strike him as a good idea. No social engineer he.) 7. Cops. (Civil servants have to be civil; don't privatize.) 8. Tolerance. (Provided you're not a smoker or a Hummer owner or a resident of a gated community.) Not unreasonable, but not completely persuasive.

YOU KNEW SOMEBODY WOULD GO THERE.

The widespread snow and chills hasn't cooled the campus outrage machine.

"Our demand: The University of Michigan-Ann Arbor must close campus during harsh weather conditions -- not just in extreme circumstances. A refusal to do so is classist and ableist, with disproportionate effects on workers, low income community members, and community members who are not able-bodied," the petition said.

At least it's not a non-negotiable demand, the way it once would be.

Everybody else is just as cold as you so don't complain about it. Make Something of Yourself. Don't be a Noise with Legs.

TRAIN THEM UP IN THE RIGHT WAY. An American Thinker essay calls out sloppy carriage.

Not too long ago the unshaven look became the norm. Now, multiple face piercings are a plus in some industries (albeit not in the industries involving electrical work). The simple civility of showing respect to others by respecting your appearance - which has been replaced by so-called "fashion" - has been lost. Apparently the need has arisen for our populace to express themselves by how closely they can mimic the homeless.

The balance of the column is this evening's ETTS^(*) moment.

Critical Mass recommends an American Conservative article urging the redemption of the dinner hour.

Renewing the culinary culture, and restoring the kinds of values that are necessary for the proper functioning of a healthy republic, is not the sort of thing that can be left to activists, environmentalists, and government bureaucrats. This is a conservative cause if ever there was one, and it is going to have to begin at home. The revolution is coming. And it’s sure to be delicious.

Dressing properly and eating properly transcend ideologies. Comb your hair. Tuck in your shirt. Sit up straight. Don't be a Noise with Legs.

THE LATTER-DAY MERCHANDISE DESPATCH SERVICE.

A German research lab attempts to give the freight train more retail appeal.

[Project leader Joachim] Winter said the rising demand for small consignments and individual packages was not well suited to block train operation, while single wagonload operations are very time and resource-intensive, with very low average speeds, and high costs.

NGT [for Next Generation Train] Cargo envisages that automated freight trains could be assembled from high-performance power cars and individual self-propelled wagons, automatically coupled into trainsets to provide maximum operational flexibility. Each wagon would have its own electric traction package, including energy recovery and storage systems, allowing them to operate autonomously on the ‘last mile’ connections to the final customers.

Sensors on the wagons would facilitate automatic operation, and provide real-time data so that operators and customers have accurate information about the vehicle’s status and expected arrival time. Wagons could be routed directly into ports, transhipment stations or logistics terminals, where they would be loaded or unloaded automatically.

For the long-distance legs, individual wagons would be coupled into trains, with aerodynamically covers over the gaps between vehicles to reduce wind resistance and noise. One or two end cars would provide the power to run at up to 200 km/h on existing lines or potentially 400 km/h on a high speed line. Shorter trains could be combined ‘virtually’ during the trip to make best use of capacity, and potentially coupled with passenger trains. DLR believes that NGT Cargo could be suitable for intercontinental freight traffic between Europe and China.

If only the promoters of the Midwestern Interurban had contemporary robotics and control systems.

North Shore Line Merchandise Despatch box motor, in preservation at the Illinois Railway Museum.

The museum run enough of these, from several interurbans, to roll out a train for special occasions.  (Maybe a movie in the files somewhere.)  That was the practice across Indiana and Ohio.  North Shore and Milwaukee Electric got into some trouble attempting to move Kohler's bathtubs from Sheboygan Falls to Chicago on the streets of Milwaukee.

Speaking of Milwaukee Electric, here's a refrigerated trailer car.  Some of the trailers on Milwaukee Electric were configured to roll motor trucks or wagons aboard.  Yes, including the enclosed trailers.  Nothing really new on rails.

And tacking the merchandise trailer to a passenger train?  That's how South Shore did it, when you absolutely, positively had to get it there overnight.

South Shore baggage trailer 503 at Michigan City, 19 April 1963
Photograph courtesy Mike Condren.

That, too, was a trailer, but it began life as a motor car.  Put remote control on it, and away goes your NGT Cargo train, 1940s style.  "DLR researchers are now working on developing a detailed logistics and operating concept, designing terminals and unloading sites and improving the vehicle architecture and drive concept." The remote control and driverless stuff will be new.  Terminals and unloading sites?  Look at old interurban records.

NO "AIR BALL" CHANTS WHILE THE COLLEGIANS ARE AWAY.

But collegiate basketball goes on, Thanksgiving break for the band or not.  Saturday evening, Northern Illinois hosted Illinois State in a women's game that followed a holiday tournament organized by the men's team.

At halftime, seventh-graders (at left) and eighth-graders (at right) from DeKalb and Sycamore (at left) carried out a scrimmage, under the watchful eye of some of the men's team.

Yeah, that's a halftime score.  The objective used to be to hold the opponent under sixty points, even if that meant scoring just over sixty in the entire game.  New coach, and for once in a long time, fifteen players dressed.

There's still some sort of audience participation for entertainment.  Thin crowd, so no "make noise for pizza" challenge.  This year, put collegians on tricycles to race to one end of the court.

Then pick up a basketball and race the other way to sink a lay-up.  Long legs aren't helpful on tricycles, but getting up-court with the ball is another matter.

Game's end, and the traditional "good game" rituals.

Northern Illinois are among the national leaders in scoring, joining the likes of Baylor, Maryland, and Ohio State.  It has been a long time since that particular combination of words has been possible.