NOT IN THE WEATHER REPORT.

Chicago Rolls Out Cold-Weather Prostitutes

CHICAGO—"When temperatures drop, you need a girl you can count on," said area resident Phillip Eadie, who mounted four cold-weather hookers earlier this month.

Perhaps more important, I've discovered sources of a Chicago edition of The Onion to complement the Milwaukee and Madison editions I'd long known about north of the Cheddar Curtain.